What’s the Story, Morning Glory?

No, I don’t really like Oasis. Anyway, here’s Wonde- This week’s post.

Hi Y’all. I’m leaning full tilt into the Monsterfucker Genre this week with Morning Glory Milking Farm, by C.M. Nascosta. This post will be divided into two sections: The PG-13 section where I’ll discuss some plot and craft stuff, and the NC-17 section where we’re gonna get into it. Spoilers and Monster Peens await.

This portion is rated PG-13, for thematic elements.

Like so many of us, our heroine Violet has a degree, student debt, and no job in her desired field. With the threat of moving back in with her overbearing but well meaning parents looming, she applies for and gets a job at Morning Glory Milking Farm, a branch of a major pharmaceutical company. Whatever it was she thought she was going to be doing at her new job as a milking technician it is certainly not what it ends up being. After seeing the training videos it turns out that the milking is not of cows, but of Minotaurs.

But, Delana! Minotaurs don’t have udders!

Correct! But it turns out that minotaur semen is the number one ingredient in a popular erectile dysfunction drug! So here we all are!

The shock of it all wears off pretty quickly and it turns out to mostly be a medical collection job like any other. With the exception (because of course) of one client, who she accidentally discovers has some specific preferences during his session, and that she also develops quite the crush on.

I won’t lie, this book is not exactly plot heavy, but there’s some ethical conundrumming before she agrees to let him take her out, we learn his name is Rourke, they date for a bit, and then (finally) they have sex (I’m not even going to pretend I was here for the plot. It was a nice bonus, but let’s be real). And then she gets a job that puts her degree to use because she’s made friends in this community of non-humans, and lives happily ever after. Is this the most intelligent, ground breaking book I’ve read this year? No. But it was fun and frothy (not sorry) and just kind of silly. And that’s fine.

Nascosta does what she’s doing and she does it pretty well. The book has all the important hallmarks of a romance, and a fun cast of supporting characters. Despite being obviously set in a fictional world where monsters and human coexist (sort of, there’s some themes of segregation and othering in the novel), the conflict is decidedly grounded in problems any twenty-something might face. There is a scene where Violet internet stalks Rourke to find out more about him and rabbit holes into his ex-wife’s profile and the ex-wife’s aunt’s profile and it was 10/10, mostly because I’ve done that and also ended up hurting my own feelings.

I appreciate that there was an acknowledgement of the ethical issues that faced Violet and Rourke, but I think I just end to be hyper aware of that anytime it’s a workplace romance. I don’t hate workplace romances, but I also don’t believe in it personally outside of fiction. I knew that things would work out for Violet regardless, but I couldn’t help but worry she might lose her job. She did not, and goes on to find a job in her field AND work part time for MGMF, since she enjoys it and also doesn’t want anyone else ~handling~ her boyfriend (again, intended and not sorry).

It also helps that Rourke, despite being very CEO coded (he runs his own business) is super respectful of Violet and her boundaries and independence. There’s a scene where she tries to pay for her half of the check because she doesn’t want him to think she’s taking advantage of him and he stops her, telling Violet that he doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but he’s in a position to spoil her and that she is offering him the privilege of her time, and that he’s willing to pay just about anything for that, that’s how much he likes her (is this the dream? I think this is the dream).

The supporting cast, especially Geilis, the vampire friend she makes at the fancy coffee shop near her work in Cambric Creek, and Rourke’s neighbors and Violet’s coworkers, are delightful. Geilis especially is hilarious and I would 100% read a sequel about her.

Part five of the novel is literally entitled ‘HEA’ and while it definitely just wraps everything up into tidy bows, it’s still a solid ending, considering. Violet gets a job that is relevant to her degree, finds a new apartment in Cambric Creek to be closer to Rourke and her new job, which I especially love, because y’all know I love an independent lady. Kids are maybe on the table somewhere down the line, and she’s acclimating her mom to the cross-species relationship, it’s for sure a Happily Ever After, and not just a Happy-For-Now.

This portion is rated NC-17 for monster peens and explicit sex. There’s an ‘other things I read and watched this week’ at the bottom that I bolded so you can scroll and skip this bit if you want.

My biggest critique of the novel overall is there were too many hand jobs. And not just the work ones, because like she says, it’s not sex work for the technicians, it’s just medical collection. I mean specifically the ones where she’s got Rourke as a client. It was like 70% of the way through the book before anything else happened, and 85% when they have penetrative sex. Maybe it’s just because I’m impatient by nature, but we should be taking clothes off by the 45% point at the latest. When the first sex scene happens that late in the book, then it feels like all subsequent sex scenes are either rushed or not explicit. We’re all here for the monster peen, and I want more than one explicit sex scene!

The bit where Violet’s aunt dies (rip) so she takes two weeks off to be with her family and comes back to find out Rourke is annoyed that she left him in the hands (Ha! Puns!) of the worst milking technician was absolutely hilarious to me, but also was so real. I too am upset when my favorite phlebotomist is not at the lab and someone else has to steal my blood.

The dramatic irony/foreshadowing of her rewatching the training video a trillion times where the fox lady shows the technique for milking the Minotaurs was top tier. Violet thinks that she is so transfixed because of the overall bizarre situation. Definitely not because she’s into it. Which is also hilarious because I feel like I hear a lot of readers try to defend themselves and their reading of monsterfucker erotica/romance by saying it’s so bizarre and they’re reading it for the novelty, but they’re not actually into it, they don’t actually like it. Friend, you can be honest. You can enjoy the genre and not have a kink, it’s ok. Would I want to fuck a literal Minotaur? No, probably not. I also would not want to enroll in a war college where you might get charbroiled if you breathe wrong around the dragons. But I sure do love reading about both of those things!

The actual sex scene, when we finally get to it, is not quite a disappointment, but there was definitely a lot of lead up to it, between all of Rourke’s appointments and Violet’s fantasies, and I don’t know if it totally delivered.

For real, we’re gonna be NC-17 here. Last chance. Mom, you can’t tell me that this post was a little much because I warned you three times what was coming.

Violet describes the Rourke’s bull dick as so large that her hands, which she does say are on the small side, can barely encircle it. So you know. Homeboy is packing. This is not a deterrent to Violet though, which like, good for her, but also. I would probably be deterred. When they finally. FINALLY AT FIVE HOURS INTO THE SIX HOUR AUDIOBOOK. Finally have penetrative sex, Rourke eats her out and then spends what reads as like five minutes fingering her, and sure, his fingers are bigger than the average human man’s, but I just think maybe there could have been more foreplay. Because even if he does go slow, I had a hard time suspending my disbelief that in one session with only some tongue action and fingering she was just good to take the whole thing. I know it’s fantasy, but maybe if we would have started a little sooner than 85% of the way through the book, we could have had more time to build up.

The sex was hot though, so ten points there.

I also think there was a missed opportunity for some on-page aftercare. Earlier in the book it’s a big deal that he can produce 24 ounces of semen, and that he basically makes a second full income from MGMF. If you’re bad at conceptualizing size/volume/distance etc. like I am, a Stanley cup is 40 oz. and also my fairly small hands overlap around the top portion, so there’s that. Violet, all thoughts of birth control and STIs tossed aside (though I imagine that because of the nature of her work she can be fairly certain he is STI free), begs him to finish inside her, and of course, she’s a mess. A mess that she has to clean up because they have dinner reservations. I think for all the characterization Rourke gets of being a gentleman, it should be him getting the towels and cleaning her up. How much of a gentleman could he really be if he’s not concerned about birth control and doesn’t do aftercare, I mean really?

Was this the best book I’ve ever read? No. Not by a long shot. But for what it was, it was a fun romp and I enjoyed listening while I worked on a new doll dress (did you know the Pleasant Company American Girl doll patterns are available free online?!) and while I sat at my desk, staring at my empty email inbox, since I had one of my offices to myself this week.

Other Things I Read and Watched This Week

The Hacienda, Isabel Cañas - This was spooky and gave me nightmares, but I liked Vampires of El Norte better just by a bit.